【質問 No. 23961】 英作文の添削依頼 |
zoro |
2024-01-22 19:09:43 |
先生、前回への添削、ありがとうございました。本日も、以下の文章の添削を、よろしくお願い致します。
課題: Should science be relied on to solve <humankinds’>(→humenkind's) problems?
I agree with the idea that science should <relied>(→be relied) on to solve <humankinds’>(→humankind's) problems, for the following reasons.
Firstly, most problems we are facing today can be solved with science <technology>(→and technology). In <Japan,>(→Japan, for instance,) with the low birthrate and <aging>(→the aging) society, <regenetive>(rejenerative) medicine and <infirtility>(→infertility) <treatment>(→treatments) are <increasing>(→are becoming increasingly) necessary. The research and development of science <can forstall>(→will be able to forestall) such problems.
Secondly, there are a large number of problems such as climate change and the problem of food self-sufficiency, but there is a benefit in investing <science technology>(→in science and technology). For example, <genetic>(→genetically) modified crops are so made as to be resistant to <hurmful>(→harmful) insects, and are capable of reducing <farmers>(→farmers') effort to spray chemicals or <to get>(→getting) rid of harmful insects on the crops.
Lastly, <Global>(→global) warming is a serious problem, <and>(→and is making) the lives of most people <have become>(→削除) inconvenient. The more the population increases, the more global warming <accelrates>(→accelerates). The government <in>(→of) Japan has been <dealt>(→dealing) with space exploration, the <result>(→result of which) has been wonderful. I believe the time will come when people <lives>(→can live) in the cosmic world without suffering from climate change thanks to science <technology>(→and technology).
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【回答】
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For these <three>(→削除) reasons, I agree with the idea that science should be relied on to solve <humankinds>(→humankind's) problems.
以前、別の先生から、文章と文章がぶつ切りのようで、繋がってていない、と指摘されたことがありますが、先生の目で見た時に、そのような印象はありますでしょうか? また、構成は、毎回減点されてしまうのですが、イントロ、要点、結論で、いつも同じ書き方で書けば良いのでしょうか?
本日も、よろしくお願い致します。
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zoro さんの当時の英文は、現在の英文と比べると、かなりミスが目立ちますので、毎回、進歩しているように、感じられます。この調子で、書き続けることで、進歩は明らかになっていくものと、考えられます。論説の構成は、昔から、「起・承・転・結」、すなわち、「書き出し、用例、展開、結論」の4つの要素から成る、と言われています。大体、zoro さんが、実践している書き方になるわけです。
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