【質問 No. 23840】 IELTSライティング添削のお願い |
ゆな |
2024-01-07 06:15:56 |
先日も、為になる添削を、ありがとうございました。新しい阜サも知れ、大変勉強になりました。昨日に続きで垂オ訳ございませんが、また、添削をよろしくお願いいたします。
Topic: Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Answer: Our life time increasing more and more year by developing a science and technology in past 100 years. So, we may not fell happy to live a life, compare with today.
In this essay, I would like to explain about my opinion to show how much I agree with the opinion expressed in this topic sentence followed by why I think so.
To begin with, no matter of fact , I partially disagree with the statement because I think living a life for a long time brings a lot of happiness. For example, we can take part in several celebrate things such as marriage, borning grand child and birthday of 20years old. These incidents make parents who raised their child happy.
In addition, we will be able to do what we could not do due to be busy by working and raising a child such as traveling abroad and finding own hobbies.
In contrast, there are disadvantages by increasing life time. For instance, it will lead to be population growth. Also, it costs a lot of money because of nursing parents from children.
Therefore, we will take much time and a lot of money from our children.
In conclusion, the influence of increasing life time is much larger than we expect. I think though it is careful not to lost importance of time this trend will bring a lot of happiness to patients who can see child’s growth.
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【回答】
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Answer: Our lifetime is increasing by more and more years thanks to the development of science and technology in the past 100 years. So, we may not feel so happy about our increased lifetime compared with today.(この部分は、意味不明です) In this essay, I would like to express my opinion to show how much I agree with the opinion expressed in the topic sentence, followed by why I think so.
To begin with, I agree with the statement in the topic sentence which says living for a longer time brings a lot of happiness. For example, we can take part in more celebrations such as our children's marriage, the birth of our grandchildren, and the birthday of their 20 years. The incidents make us parents happy by having raised our children.
In addition, if we live longer, we will be able to do what we could not do when we were working hard to raise our children. Now we are ready to enjoy traveling and finding our own hobbies.
On the other hand, there are disadvantages to increased lifetime. For instance, if we live longer, it will lead to population growth, and it will cause us to spend more money on our children.
In conclusion, the effect of increased lifetime will be much larger than we expect. I think we should be careful not to lose the importance of this time trend so that it will bring a lot of happiness when we see our children's growth.
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