【質問 No. 23829】 IELTS ライティングタスク(その2) |
ゆな |
2024-01-05 19:35:29 |
先週は、IELTS ライティングの添削、ありがとうございました。新しい表現なども知ることができ、とても勉強になりました。今回は、また、違うお題でのライティングのなるのですが、添削して頂けると嬉しいです。よろしくお願いいたします。
Topic: The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?
Answer: It is more crucial to <educate>(→get an education) from your family than <educating in>(getting it from) the school. In this essay, I would like to <illustrates my opinions>(→explain my opinion) to show how much I agree with <this opinions>(→the opinion expressed in the topic sentence) <and also>(→followed by) why I <think>(→think so).
To begin with <,>(→, as a matter of fact,) I partially disagree with <this>(→the) <opinion>(→opinion in the topic statement) because I think there are a lot of <things>(→other things) which you can <learn>(→learn from school,) <how>(→such as) <to make a friend>(→making new friends) <and>(→learning) how to solve a fight with a friend <from the education of school>(→削除).
Also, you will broaden your <horizons>(→horizons at school) by relating <many>(→to many) people who are <difference>(→different in) sex, <ages>(→age,) and <one’s opinions>(→opinion).
Furthermore, in <term>(→terms) of study, <school’s>(→school) education is superior <than>(→to) <family’s>(→family) education. The family has a <limit>(→limit to) which <can>(→it can) teach their <child to be>(→child about) <understand>(→understanding) <a grammar>(→the grammar) of English and how to <calculate of>(→teach) <math>(→math,) <while,>(→while) teachers in the school are <good>(→better) at teaching <these>(→these subjects) because they have <a qualification>(→qualifications) for becoming <a teacher>(→teachers in the first place).
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【回答】
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However, the education <from>(→in the) school can not <educate>(→teach) <individual>(→individuals) due to <be a lot>(→the large number) of students in the class. Therefore, I think it is important to educate in the house for <gaining>(→learning) manners such as <greeting>(→greetings) and <how to eat clearly>(→eating cleanly).
In conclusion, there are a lot of great points in both <of the angles>(→home and school teaching). But <I>(→overall, I) think it is more useful <for you>(→削除) to <educate>(→get an education) in the school than <the education you take from>(→at) family.
質問もさせていただきます。このようなライティングのの場合、主語は you か they の、どちらの方が相応しいのでしょうか? また、40分で250語以上、という決まりがあるのですが、毎回15文字程度足りません。何かコツがありましたら、教えていただきたいです。よろしくお願いいたします。
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質問欄での文字数が超過していますので、半分を、解答欄に移しましたので、ご了承ください。
ご質問についてですが、不足が15文字程度なら、どこかをちょっと引き伸ばせば、いいと思います。また、この種の作文では、you, they よりも、we の方がいいと思います。
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