【質問 No. 23777】 IELTS のライティングの添削のお願い |
ゆな |
2023-12-29 13:03:32 |
IELTS 5.0 を目指している者です。添削を、お願いいたします。
Topic: Investment in local amenities such as leisure centers is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. <To>(→削除) what other measures do you think might be <effective>(→effective to foster a good community spirit)?
1. It is <great>(→a great idea) for local people to <be spent much>(→spend a lot of) money <to>(→on) local amenities for making a good community <ability>(→spirit). In this essay, I <would>(→would like to) illustrate my opinions about <invest>(→investing) in local facilities <whether>(→to show) how much <agree>(→I agree with the idea) <and>(→and also) what other idea I think will be effective.
2. I completely agree with this opinion. There are reasons for this. Firstly, local people are able to hang out with <a family>(→their family) or friends <in>(→on) <the>(→削除) weekend. If these <place>(→places) such as an amusement park, a theater and a <zoo>(→do not exist,) people will <stay>(→just stay) home and <they may be>(→may be) unhealthy because of a lack of exercise.
3. In addition, going to leisure centers <lead>(→leads) to <increase>(→increased) relationship with <several>(→other) people. For example, when a person meets <a>(→another) person who <have>(→has) a child <as>(→of the) same age as <one’s<(her) <child>(child,) they will get along with each other. In this <case of>(→case, ) children <they>(→削除) will be able to <gain ability of speaking>(→gain the ability to speak) with <whoever>(→they meet) without <they are>(→becoming) shy.
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【回答】
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4. Next, I have <ideas>(→another idea) for developing a community <skill of>(→spirit in) local facilities <but also hold>(→by also holding) events <will>(→which produce) good <affect>(→effects). For instance, a foreigner reads a book in English for children. By doing this, children can learn other <language>(→languages) and <diversity>(→become international). It <is>(→will be) useful for their future to broaden <theirs>(→their) horizons.
5. In conclusion, the <influence>(→benefits) of investing in local facilities <is>(→will be) great for local people but the government have to be careful not to <become>(give) bad <other things>(→influences).
原文に、直接修正を施しましたので、清書して、朗読してください。
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